nixsight

Did you think I wouldn’t notice?

Did you think I wouldn’t notice the tear-shaped stain?

Did you think I wouldn’t notice the lack of imagination in your song-writing, if you covered it up with technically perfect musical delivery?

Did you think I wouldn’t notice you looking back, half-smiling, just then? That’s not the way the game is played. I’m going home. Tomorrow, try harder to not see me coming.

Did you think I wouldn’t notice the slow spread of infection, once the disease started to spread out from the places where you touched me?

Did you think I wouldn’t notice you switching the glasses?

And you… Did you think I wouldn’t notice you releasing the classic trilogy dvd boxset after you expressly swore that you wouldn’t?

Did you think I didn’t know that you knew that I made love to your wife? Three times…? Twice in the car, once in the mouth? Do you think you’re achieving anything by pretending it didn’t happen?

Did you think I would enjoy the surprise?

Did you think you could sneak up on me? ME? Me with all my ninja skills?

Did you think I wouldn’t notice your penis? For christ’s sake! It’s right there in that labelled jar, next to the condiments on the breakfast bar!

Did you think I wouldn’t notice the familiar smell of chloroform? Or was it a double-bluff? Did you think I would notice it, and stop you putting the ‘kerchief over my mouth? I guess, my friend, the joke was on you.

Did you think for a second that the dreams would come so thick and fast? That I would meet god and he would tell me to kill the entire cast of Freddie? With hammers?

Did you think when I came round, I wouldn’t notice that you’d replaced my kidney with a condom full of low-grade meat? Or that I wouldn’t notice you replacing my left foot with someone elses? Even though now, the nailpolish doesn’t match?

Did you really think I was that lax about my appearance?

And you, did you think I wouldn’t notice you stripping everything I was away, until all that was left was a fucknut-shaped space torn out of the world? Did you think you’d get away with it? Do you still think so? Well, for now it might seem that way, but just wait… just you wait…

Did you think I wouldn’t notice the trail of blood, vomit and other DNA matter running from your bedroom to the garage? That the smell of detergent wouldn’t be a tip-off? When you knew how much I liked him?

And that it was my turn?

You, with the slick hair, and the crazy-ass dayglo waistcoat, did you think I wouldn’t notice you sneaking off with my intellectual property? That you’d get off scott-free with getting Christopher Walken to read it out, and then mashing it up with Lemon Jelly, The Go! Team and George Bush speeches of idiocy?

Okay, maybe you didn’t actually do that, but wouldn’t it be kind of cool if you had…?

Oi, sonny. Did you think I wouldn’t notice the piece in your waistband?

You, with that holier than thou, corporate uniformity thing going on… Did you really think you would keep the moral high-ground by letting me pay for music and then not letting me play the music most of the ways I’d want to? Did you think you’d get that one past God? Did you think he’d let you in heaven even though you’re encouraging the masses to steal rather than pay for hobbled goods?

God, who did you think you were, fooling about with ’dem dinosaur bones, eh? And your crazy scientific evidence of evolution and all that jazz…? Okay, now, I was fooled, but your true believers don’t believe all of that faked-up evidence for a second…

Did you think? You didn’t, did you? That’s the problem, you never do. You work on the assumption that everyone is too fucking retarded to spot you rooting around in the shit, spastically flinging it this way and that, and so you just go on your merry way…

A spot of incompetence here that ruins someone’s life by messing up their loan-payments, causing bank charges to mount on bank charges until there just isn’t enough money left without sucking a bit of cock and selling a bit of soul just to make rent. 

A bit of passive-aggressive bullshit there where you justify your disengaging from the relationship by making it sound like all of your faults were actually hers, leaving you feeling great about getting out when you really do deserve to be happy, leaving her confused and casting about trying to work out why she’s such a bad person, constantly frustrated because she really isn’t one.

All because you didn’t fucking think it could hurt.

D’you think I wouldn’t be able to count the shots? That I don’t know exactly how many bullets fit in a .44 Magnum? Did you think I didn’t see that movie, or something?

And finally, you. Did you think I wouldn’t be able to tell…? From the look on your face? The twitchy spot on your eyelid? The stink of lies all over you?

Did you think for a goddamned minute that that wouldn’t be starting a chain of events that would end with you and I here in this room, you taped down and crying, and me here wondering what to do with this chair-leg?

Well, did you?